Initation Weekend

so my first weekend is almost completely over. i have to say that being here on my own, more is less, has been beneficial. it's forced me to learn the routine quickly and become familiar with the horses. now they don't think i'm just some stranger coming into their stalls. another part of being here on my own has taught me another thing: exhaustion. last night i was ready to go to bed at nine (keep in mind it was a saturday night). i was too tired to shower even. yea, i know it's kind of disgusting but my body just didn't want to do anymore than it needed to. it was funny to lie in bed at 10 and think that my friends were somewhere partying or going out and there i was lying in bed, ready to pass out. i've stopped waking up and thinking i'm in bed at home. the room is starting to feel like home now, and so is the barn.

i saw the kitty again last night. as i came down to the barn from dinner and passed the hallway, i looked over and there he was lying next to a tack trunk. immediately i thought about trapping him in the feed room but then remembered suzie wouldn't be home for another day so it wouldn't be easy keeping him in there. i went over to pet him and he teased me by rolling on his back. then as soon as i was close enough to scratch his belly, he ran. i think i'm going to bring down a couple treats tonight.

so since raven is still not here i've taken to this one chestnut mare at the barn named risky. on wednesday night i had to be on colic watch with her. for those of you that don't know, a horse colics when there is pain in their abdomen. there are lots of different kinds and it can, in serious cases, kill a horse. so that first night i had to get up every two and a half hours to check on her and hand walk her. it wasn't fun but it made me adore her. now whenever i pass by her, or clean out her stall, i always give her a little extra love. she is in no way complaining; she half fell asleep today when i was rubbing her cheek. she's my object of affection until raven comes.

yesterday, i surprised myself. i'm not sure if this ever happens to you but sometimes i feel like i am not quite sure of myself and think that if someone asked me what i wanted to do, or where i wanted to go with this whole thing, all i could say is "hm that's a good question. i haven't figured it out yet." But last night, i proved myself wrong. the lady who was helping me clean stalls was asking me questions like "what do you want to do after, where do you want to be, do you want to do it full time" and so on. the crazy part was that i had answers for all the questions. i knew the answers without really knowing that i had known them. as i was responding to her, my mind took a backseat and my mouth kept going. and it wasn't wrong. i guess i knew, subconsciously, where i want to be eventually (back in minnesota), and what i want to do (train full time), and what i want my life to be like (happy). granted, these things are all probably going to change but it was relieving to listen to myself and feel confident that i have things i want to accomplish. its also comforting because it let me know that subconsciously, i'm always working towards something. so now i just need to get there.

one thing that i am kind of ashamed to admit, is how much i miss having the internet at my fingertips 24/7. There's no wireless at the barn, and in a way it makes me feel like a hermit. its sad how much i rely on the internet to keep in-touch with friends but thats the reality of our culture. my mom and dad are supposed to be flying out tomorrow (SO EXCITED!) and hopefully while they're here we can go buy a USB verizon connector or whatever that thing is. i mean come on, i need to at least be able to skype with my friends from the comfort of my adorable new room.

i'll try to post some pictures next time. thanks for reading and i miss everyone tons. until next time

love,

greer