Monday, January 2, 2012

Not to say i told you so, but...

I told you I would write tomorrow, which is in fact today. Impressive isn’t it? Well let’s see. The one terrible part of falling behind with my posts is that I have so much to catch you up on once I actually sit myself down to write. I should remember this and use it as motivation to be more proactive about writing. Ha, we’ll see if that really happens. Anyways, I said goodbye to California about two weeks ago. Back in October, the opportunity to work in Sweden came up and from there it grew. I now have a job over there and could not be in any more of a daze. To be honest I am scared shitless. Putting it simply of course. But, I think there would be something seriously wrong with me if I weren’t. A person doesn’t move a third of the way around the world and not feel scared. That just would not be normal. Anyways, I am going in about two weeks and the idea of getting ready is overwhelming. I had a dream the other night that I had forgotten things in California and had to go there to pick them up, then ship them to Sweden, but then I also had to go back home to finish packing there, then I woke up. Needless to say, I am stressing a little bit about it. Understandable. But then I had a dream two nights ago that I went to the barn and no one could understand what I was saying. I think my subconscious is trying to say, “get ready”. So, I guess I’ll have to start packing to calm myself down.

I must say that one thing I feel, with every bone in my body, is lucky. If someone had told me, when I was 18, that in three years I’d be moving to Europe and working with horses I would’ve laughed at them and said, “I wish”. For awhile now, I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s actually happening. But it is harder than you would think. For some reason, something so unknown is difficult for your mind to comprehend. It’s almost as if it pretends it isn’t real. So my mind has needed a lot of convincing. But that is half of the fun of getting ready to go. Every time I remind myself that I’m doing it, I get to say thank you for having the opportunity and the luck. And I would like to think that this job is karma’s way of coming to me through all the hard work and sacrifices I put in over the last year. One thing is for sure, the world works in mysterious ways and I like it.

I wish I could forever remember the moments I love, like how my cat Royce sits himself in front of me, purring, just waiting honestly and patiently for me to scratch his cheeks. I wish I could remember how soft and velvety his snow grey fur is and how warm he is. I wish I could remember how love drunk he looks when I take my hand away for a second. I’d pull out the memory when I’m most homesick. I wish I could forever remember the way my horse nudges against me asking me to pay him attention and the soft spot on the side of his mouth. I wish I could forever remember the way he pokes his head around the crossties when he hears the jingle of the girth coming down the barn aisle, wondering how much longer he has to wait for his next treat. I wish I could forever remember the way he smells, and keep it for days when I miss him the most. Yea, it’d be nice to perfectly remember the things in my life like that. It would make moving one hundred times easier. I just have to remember that there are always going to be new things I don’t even know that I will love just as much. I’m so excited to meet all the people and horses that are yet to be in my life. I’m so excited for my next adventure.

I’m sure I’ll write soon. I’m making it a resolution to write more. Not that I will actually keep it, but I can definitely try.

Until next time….


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Oops, My bad

The amount of time it has been since i last posted is obscene. However, there is something you should know; i've been writing here and there but had technical difficulties with logging onto my account so i could post. After many failed attempts at trying to change my email address and password, i finally figured the system out i am! So let me post a blog i should have back in August:

Ok so it has been a very long time since I wrote last. Yes I apologize now so that you can all forgive me…not that there are a ton of you reading but it’s flattering to assume. Life has been crazy. It’s been a combination of wondering where the hell the time has gone, what happened to me not knowing anything, and continuing to miss my family and friends. The days go by so quickly and at the end of the week I wonder how they all melt together to form one big chunk of time that eagerly turns into a month. Over twelve of these giant, chunks of time have passed and I am blown away.

A year can teach someone so much if they are dedicated, self-sacrificing, and willing to be a sponge that takes in as much as possible. Let’s just say, I’d like to think I’m soaked. Looking back on where I was a year ago is baffling; I knew hardly anything compared to what I know now. It’s amazing to think about all the things I have yet to discover I have to learn. Kind of convoluted I know, but nevertheless, the truth. Riding is such a different experience, dealing with the horses is such a different experience, teaching lessons is such a different experience, my slow-growing confidence with all of it is such a different experience. They are all tremendously great and it makes me wish I could be a fly on the wall and watch myself operate. It feels more natural now, and as if I know at most, half of the answers as opposed to one hundredth of them. Like I said, I’m getting there. I think that the most important thing is that I keep constantly striving to grow. In this discipline, you must always aim to keep improving, growing and building on the steps you have already taken. Luckily, I can apply that to my knowledge as well as my training. I never want to think that where I am, or what I know is good enough. It can always be better and I should always be willing to learn and know more; definitely one of my life goals. Never settle.

I feel as if the question “do you miss home?” has been asked quite a lot recently. My answer is always yes. It’s not so much my actual home that I miss, but the aura and feeling of my city, the friends I have in it, and my amazing family. It’s the ability to drive ten minutes and laugh with my friends. It’s waking up Sunday mornings to hear my family in the kitchen and smell breakfast creeping into my room. It’s driving around the lakes with the windows rolled down on the way to the beach. It’s the biking adventures in the night, with no plans but just knowing that whatever comes up you’ll eventually get there and have fun regardless. I miss those things. I know that being here and away from all that is just temporary but it’s hard nonetheless. It just makes me appreciate all the things I hold dear so much more, and next time I am with my friends or family I’ll make sure to take a second and remember the feeling.

Alright so can I just say, I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS! I had the pleasure of going to six flags, magic mountain, last Wednesday and….Oh, my, god. Ok, mind you I hadn’t been to a theme park since Valleyfair, senior year, when I braved the drop of the Wild Thing. I have seriously been missing out. The first one we went on was Tatsu, and they took rollercoasters to another level. The seats suspended you horizontally as if you were flying. We made the mistake of not sitting in the front row. However, being whipped around and upside down while laying on your stomach was such an adrenaline rush! After two and a half minutes of screaming the only thing I could think was that I was in love. That was until the end of the day….until I met X2. First things first, I will say I had brief affairs with a wooden rollercoaster, and one standing up, and one plunging into a pool of water to be cooled down on the hot day, but none were as amazing as X2. It was our last ride of the day and let me tell you, the hour-long wait was sooooo worth it. Their claim to fame was that it was the first 5D ride ever. I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical: “Great, so they have music and fire cannons…I guess that’s cool.” Yea little did I know just how freaking great it would be. So we finally made it to the front of the line, and my friend and I picked the very back seats to sit in. Definitely did not regret this decision. Let me explain: in this rollercoaster, you were strapped in facing backwards and also lying on your back for part of the ride, so because we were in the back it seemed like we were the only ones on the ride. So exhilarating. Alright back to the start….so the guy is like “Are you ready for a great ride?” trying to get us pumped up meanwhile I’m thinking “I really hope I don’t throw up dinner” as the coaster left the station. So our music starts playing and it’s some oldie that is light and comforting and then all of a sudden the coaster starts going up the incline and Enter Sandman by Metallica starts playing and it’s the intro where it’s really intense leading up to the to the climax and while this part is playing we are getting higher, and higher, and higher. As we climb, we slowly get above the entire park, and it was the prettiest thing I have seen in awhile. The sun was just setting behind the mountains in front of us so the sky was a purple, pink, orange and the park was a combination of black outlines and lights below us. I took a mental picture. Yea I know, leave it to me to have a moment while listening to enter sandman and about to plummet backwards. So that’s what was next, a fast, insane, free fall to the ground and just as you thought you were going to float backwards forever it ripped us back up and upside down. Apparently I was screaming the whole time. Oh yea and that fire cannon? Pretty sweet! We spun around and sideways… actually for most of the time I had no idea where I was in relation to the earth but at one point I felt this heat on my leg and next thing I know I see fire shooting towards us. It was amazing. The ride was over and I decided that I love adrenaline. And that I love rollercoasters. And that I love Six Flags. I really want to go back soon.

Well, we will see how long it takes me to write again. I would take a bet on it if I were you. Hmmm lets see, maybe a month? No, maybe two? Whatever. It’ll be next time I feel like something cool happened, which might be tomorrow. One never knows.

There you go! I'm writing for tomorrow already. There are too many updates with my adventure not to.

Until tomorrow....