Monday, January 2, 2012

Not to say i told you so, but...

I told you I would write tomorrow, which is in fact today. Impressive isn’t it? Well let’s see. The one terrible part of falling behind with my posts is that I have so much to catch you up on once I actually sit myself down to write. I should remember this and use it as motivation to be more proactive about writing. Ha, we’ll see if that really happens. Anyways, I said goodbye to California about two weeks ago. Back in October, the opportunity to work in Sweden came up and from there it grew. I now have a job over there and could not be in any more of a daze. To be honest I am scared shitless. Putting it simply of course. But, I think there would be something seriously wrong with me if I weren’t. A person doesn’t move a third of the way around the world and not feel scared. That just would not be normal. Anyways, I am going in about two weeks and the idea of getting ready is overwhelming. I had a dream the other night that I had forgotten things in California and had to go there to pick them up, then ship them to Sweden, but then I also had to go back home to finish packing there, then I woke up. Needless to say, I am stressing a little bit about it. Understandable. But then I had a dream two nights ago that I went to the barn and no one could understand what I was saying. I think my subconscious is trying to say, “get ready”. So, I guess I’ll have to start packing to calm myself down.

I must say that one thing I feel, with every bone in my body, is lucky. If someone had told me, when I was 18, that in three years I’d be moving to Europe and working with horses I would’ve laughed at them and said, “I wish”. For awhile now, I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s actually happening. But it is harder than you would think. For some reason, something so unknown is difficult for your mind to comprehend. It’s almost as if it pretends it isn’t real. So my mind has needed a lot of convincing. But that is half of the fun of getting ready to go. Every time I remind myself that I’m doing it, I get to say thank you for having the opportunity and the luck. And I would like to think that this job is karma’s way of coming to me through all the hard work and sacrifices I put in over the last year. One thing is for sure, the world works in mysterious ways and I like it.

I wish I could forever remember the moments I love, like how my cat Royce sits himself in front of me, purring, just waiting honestly and patiently for me to scratch his cheeks. I wish I could remember how soft and velvety his snow grey fur is and how warm he is. I wish I could remember how love drunk he looks when I take my hand away for a second. I’d pull out the memory when I’m most homesick. I wish I could forever remember the way my horse nudges against me asking me to pay him attention and the soft spot on the side of his mouth. I wish I could forever remember the way he pokes his head around the crossties when he hears the jingle of the girth coming down the barn aisle, wondering how much longer he has to wait for his next treat. I wish I could forever remember the way he smells, and keep it for days when I miss him the most. Yea, it’d be nice to perfectly remember the things in my life like that. It would make moving one hundred times easier. I just have to remember that there are always going to be new things I don’t even know that I will love just as much. I’m so excited to meet all the people and horses that are yet to be in my life. I’m so excited for my next adventure.

I’m sure I’ll write soon. I’m making it a resolution to write more. Not that I will actually keep it, but I can definitely try.

Until next time….


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